But only if we allow the story to be written.
Brene Brown brought my attention to this quote from Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Whatever your story is right now, whether you're in the thick of the plot or still standing on the sidelines, you matter. You are unique, individual, and capable of doing something great, however small. But first there's something you need to know with absolute certainty.
Motto #2 is: Know who you are - I mean who you REALLY are, not what you are at the moment, what others think you are, or even what you've been telling yourself you are your whole life.
Sometimes I feel a surge of frustration that the person I appear to be - the person I'm capable of being right now - is not the real me - the person I feel I am inside my bones. The mistakes I've made don't tell the story I feel is true, and my perfectionist voice calls for me to pull it together, urging me to work harder until I can get results to prove my eternal worth.
This idea that I need to prove my worth comes from the fixed mindset I spoke of in my first post. Dweck, author of Mindset, advocates for a growth mindset - the view that our traits and abilities can be improved upon with practice. We are neither smart nor dumb, but rather we are the sum total of the effort we've put into being smart or dumb, therefore, we can increase our intelligence or any trait we desire.
I like the growth mindset - it's much more healthy than a fixed mindset - but I believe there's still an even more profound step we can take.
I call it an eternal mindset.
I find it interesting that when Paul describes the armor of God in Ephesians 6, the piece of armor he names for protecting our heads, or rather our minds, is the "helmet of salvation." I've pondered this, and I've realized that what Paul may be suggesting is that we hold the plan of salvation (the big picture of why we are here in this earth, how we are saved, and what follows after this life) in our mind. That knowledge can free us from many of the dangerous thought errors that can otherwise hold us captive.
It can even free us from perfectionism.
Think of it! Guaranteed protection for our minds! Since a majority of our stresses and conflicts begin with thought errors, this is a beautiful promise from Paul.
The problem with vulnerability, though, and part of the reason we fight so hard against it, is that when we give into it we often times find ourselves suffocated by a label. After all, members of AA know and forever will admit that they are alcoholics. They have to admit this, because it's only in their humility and dependence upon something greater that they have the power to withstand their weakness.
How does this apply to us perfectionists, or those of us who struggle with mental illness, anger, same-sex attraction, pornography addiction, spending too much time on social media, or whatever else? Do we claim that label and tout it around everywhere we go, showing it off to everyone we meet?
No, and that's not what members of AA do either. They have "safe-people" - members of their group whom they can confide in and be supported by. I think it's important that each of us have safe people as well, and whether that group is large or small will depend on what's comfortable for you.
Even more important, though, is that despite this weakness - this "thorn in the flesh" as Paul described his mortal struggle - we know who we are in the grand scheme of things, that we see our character not just as the vulnerable under-dog we may feel we are now, but as the heroic champion we are all sure to be at the last day.
We need to remember that we are children of a Heavenly Father who loves us.
We just have to.
This video gives an idea of what I mean when I say to identify with who you really are. Many of the weaknesses we face are just as he says - passing clouds - but they are not US.
When he says "depression," think of some weakness that applies to you.
Because it isn't us.
Yes we are human, we are weak, we struggle. We all will fight battles along the path of our story - otherwise our story would be quite boring! But instead of kicking ourselves for having an enemy to fight, we can dare greatly, as Roosevelt suggested, and become the heroes of our story, whatever that story may be.
I've found this motto incredibly helpful. In fact, when I'm in the temple, the place where it's easiest for me to have an eternal perspective, I am me. That happy, hopeful, peace-filled person is me! Being true to the best version of myself, I'm happiest there, and that happiness lasts until I get home and get caught up in the midst of striving for things that may not be the most important. It lasts until I lose myself, hiding beneath plastered walls once more.
But what if I kept that eternal perspective close? That's like choosing to wear our helmet as we fight in the arena, and I believe we will win more battles than we lose this way, not that the victory is what matters most though ;)
What matters is that we dared greatly.
Thanks for reading,
~Kamie
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