Emma, Spokane, and Blessings: Our New Life

You know that moment when you think, "I am SOOO happy! I am as happy as I will ever be!" Well, I've had several of those moments throughout my life, and it turns out, I was wrong every time. One of those moments was, of course, when I married Nate. I was SOOO happy, but the truth is, that was just the beginning of a very happy path with many other happy moments on it. Lately, I've been having those SOOO happy moments a lot. Like when I listen to Emma cooing at her animal friends on her rocker, or when she gives me a big smile or squeals in delight, or when I cuddle her to sleep at night. Sometimes I think I will never be happier than I am now. How could I be after all, since I am SOOO happy, but I know that as more children come my happiness will only grow. I think it is really just my love for others that makes me happy, so the more family and friends I have to love, the happier I am :) You would think that you would start to run out of love, but I am realizing that since Emma has been in our lives, my love for Nate and my other family members has only grown! I think there is no end to the amount of love we can feel, and therefore no end to the amount of joy we can have :) Isn't that great!

Sometimes I am amazed that I can be so happy right now with so many new experiences and challenges in our lives, but then I remember that it wasn't until Adam and Eve left the garden and experienced opposition that they finally had joy. And who ever said the easy road was the happiest road? I would much rather take a difficult hike with beautiful, changing scenery than to take an easy hike with nothing but dirt and sagebrush to look at. But that's just me ;)

So what kind of scenery have Nate and I been looking at lately?

First: Spokane. Nate and I have both realized that Spokane is a very strange city; beautiful and interesting, but very strange. Why? To start, the number of homeless people here is astounding, and I have yet to figure out how to balance generosity with reason. Second, the city is split in half, one side being wealthy and the other side being the slums. I pretty much avoid the poorer parts because the bars on all the windows is a hint that a girl like me is not cut out for those places. Also, the road systems are so poorly designed that it takes nearly half an hour to get anywhere. All our favorite stores are either really far away or aren't even here. I've pretty much learned to be satisfied with my own little block up here in one of the safer parts of Spokane. I've got Super 1, the library, Ross, the bank, a baby thrift store, and of course, Coldstone :)

We do love some things about Spokane. Our ward is great! We've met so many nice people at church and made some friends too :) Also, Nate's school has been great. He's learning a lot, and his classmates are pretty cool. They all love Emma! :) It has been fun getting to know lots of new people. And of course, it's beautiful here. I love all the parks and the trees :) Manito park is my favorite!

I got the chance to go home and visit Utah in September. It wasn't until I left Utah that I realized how much I loved it there. There is something special about it, which I could almost FEEL as we drove back into the Salt Lake Valley. Though I'm sure we will never move back, I have to admit I am grateful for the time we spent there :) I am so glad I got to visit and introduce Emma to some very important people in my life :)

Emma cheering for the Cougars :)

I have had some interesting first time experiences here in Spokane. One, being around other people while they are drinking alcohol. I don't think I had ever even seen a beer before we went to dinner with some of Nate's friends from school, and they were, of course, drinking. Weird! Also, paying for parking to go to the mall...I can't afford to buy anything if I have to pay $8 for parking! Also weird! Never would've had there experiences back home lol :)

Second: Emma. Having Emma around is so fun :) Nate and I enjoy cuddling together, just the three of us, and staring at Emma. She is so fun to watch! Sometimes she is talkative and wiggly, other times she is out like a light. I can almost see her getting bigger each day (she weighs 10 lbs 14 oz now!) and smarter too! I just want what is best for her and to give her everything she needs. I never realized before how much my parents loved me until I had Emma. I LOVE her soooooo much!!!!!!!!! I would do anything for her :) Everyday I pray that she will be safe, happy, and healthy, and continue to grow and develop well :) So far my prayers have been answered.

We had the opportunity to bless Emma on September 30th. It was such a fun experience! My dad flew in and the Bushman's drove down for the weekend. Nate invited his friends from school and a coworker, and I just happened to be asked to give a talk that week! I was SOOOOO nervous because I knew some of the people coming were not members of the church, but the Lord helped me to prepare a talk that I think both members and nonmembers understood and enjoyed. I was so grateful to have the support of friends and family there. I was especially glad that my dad could be there to participate. I'm grateful that Emma has such wonderful men and priesthood holders in her life! :) The whole blessing was a beautiful experience and I think Emma liked it too! :)

Emma in her blessing dress. It was made by my grandma from my mom's wedding dress :)

Well, Emma is two months old now, and I think I am starting to get the gist of what it really means to be a mom. I am amazed as I realize how much of my time is spent doing something for someone else (pretty much all of it). You would think, as most TV shows and the popular world would tell you, that this would significantly decrease my personal happiness. I'm here to tell you they're all wrong! Christ explained it best when He said, "He who loseth his life for my sake shall find it" (Matt 10:39). Granted, though I'm not directly giving my life to Christ,  I am doing what I believe He wants me to do, and as I (though sometimes begrudgingly) sacrifice my own personal wishes and comfort for Emma and Nate, I feel a peace and joy that is not found in any other way. I've grown up a lot in the past couple of months. I've learned my life can be so much more meaningful if I give it to someone other than myself. Somehow I feel that I am contributing something really important to the world, but not because I graduated cum laude or because I have lots of talent, but because I am giving the necessary time, energy, and love that one of God's children needs to grow and develop. Somehow I feel that Emma will be even better and more righteous than I am, and she will go on to bless the world in countless ways. Some people will say I'm not living much of a life, and maybe that's true, but I know that in many ways, even after I'm gone, part of me will still be living through the positive influence I had on Emma.

This poem explains how I feel:

Two Temples

A Builder builded a temple,
He wrought it with grace and skill;
Pillars and groins and arches
All fashioned to work his will.
Men said, as they saw its beauty,
“It shall never know decay;
Great is thy skill, O Builder!
Thy fame shall endure for aye.”

A Mother builded a temple
With loving and infinite care,
Planning each arch with patience,
Laying each stone with prayer.
None praised her unceasing efforts,
None knew of her wondrous plan,
For the temple the Mother builded
Was unseen by the eyes of man.

Gone is the Builder’s temple,
Crumpled into the dust;
Low lies each stately pillar,
Food for consuming rust,
But the temple the Mother builded
Will last while ages roll,
For that beautiful unseen temple
Was a child’s immortal soul.

-By Hattie Vose Hall

Lastly: Blessings. So, do I have any regrets? Of course not! Are there hard days? Definitely. Do I sometimes wish life could be as easy as it once was? Sure. But I would never go back now that I have felt the joy that I have felt as part of growing our family. Emma is worth every sacrifice. It's hard to understand that before you've had children of your own, but now I get it. I love Emma more than I love myself. She is truly one of the greatest blessings I have ever been given. I am so grateful to have Nate right by my side through this whole new adventure and challenge. I am so grateful to have the security, peace and love that comes through having a temple marriage. Being a mom would be ten times harder without my wonderful husband! Honestly, I wonder what I have ever done to deserve being so blessed, but I know the answer: nothing. God, in His infinite mercy, chose to bless me because He loves me. To Him I will be eternally indebted and eternally grateful.

-Kamie