Helps for Perfectionists: Know What Business You're In

I had a big aha! moment last week regarding agency. I'm the Primary Secretary in our ward here, and I love getting to work with these amazing kids! I also love relearning the basics of the gospel in our sharing time lessons each Sunday. This month we've been talking about agency - the precious gift from God that allows us to choose for ourselves. My aha! came when ruminating over a topic that a friend and I did not see eye to eye on. I found myself really trying to understand the topic and discover if I were wrong in my beliefs about it, but all my efforts came to no avail. I felt stuck, and I hated not knowing how to respond to my friend. Then it hit me: How does Heavenly Father feel when we do not see eye to eye with Him? I'm not sure I know the answer fully, but I do know that He does not take away our right to choose, even when He knows we are wrong. Isn't that amazing!? He knows everything, yet He allows us imperfect mortals to have free reign over our lives, and He allows us the freedom to create our own flawed societies, too. He allows us to live in a world sooooo far from perfect, and He doesn't change it. He doesn't even sit up there in heaven and stew over how much we're messing everything up. 

 

My mind's gears were spinning like crazy at this point as I realized who it was who in the beginning fought for and was determined to have a perfect world and perfectly obedient children. It was not our Father who loves us perfectly, nor the Son who became our Savior. No, it was the Son of the Morning who is now a fallen angel who fought hard for perfection, even to leading a third of the hosts of heaven with him to damnation. He craved perfection, and the glory it would bring him, so much that he gave up his soul for it. 

How sad is that!?

Now let me ask you: Are we following suit? Are we so focused on perfection that we've lost sight of what matters most?

I genuinely believe that most of us have our hearts set on good things. We never intended to become whited sepulchers. We never thought that in our attempts to do what we thought was best we were actually falling into a trap of our own making.

This is why knowledge is so important. Even the best of people can make themselves unhappy and be led far off the path they intended to travel if they don't understand what business they're in. There are counterfeits galore surrounding us, a million distractions to trick us into giving our lives away to a cause that isn't going to lead us to true eternal happiness. We must be careful, with our hands constantly on the iron rod, and most importantly with our hearts set on God. 

D&C 137:9 explains: For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts. Some choices we may make in this life are neutral, it's the desire or intent behind them that dictates whether they are good or bad. God's commandments steer us away from things He knows we are more likely to do when our desires are evil (murder, envy, adultery, etc). It's the state if our heart, though, that matters most to Him. So, that means that some acts that are considered good can be done with incorrect desires, a typical problem for a perfectionist (or any human being). This may be why you're not receiving the blessings you think you are due, even though you have wearied yourself out in well doing. 

Here's an example from the book Bonds that Make us Free that blew my mind: "We've all known a teenage beauty who's convinced she is hideous...Or a "supermom" keeping the family going by her indefatigable efforts and struggling to fight off depression over her inadequacies. The beauty would never have suspected herself hideous if she had not made her appearance a major issue by wishing to be gorgeous...The mother who doubted herself to the point of depression would not have sunk so far had she never gotten herself into the business of proving herself a "supermom." All of these people never would've imagined the possibility of their monstrousness if they had never tried to prove themselves impressive."

If you're a perfectionist you can totally relate to that! We are constantly in fear of being "found out" - that people will once an for all see us for who we really are. But guess what!? The beautiful girl wasn't actually hideous! She just thought she was because she was so obsessed with beauty! So what if we only think we are so imperfect and awful because we are so obsessed with perfection!? What if we're really amazing underneath all that paint and plaster we insist on carrying around as whited sepulchers?

Remember you are a child of God, and God doesn't create flawed things by accident! He has a unique purpose for you and for me. LIVE IT!

With that in mind, I've chosen to recommit to God's plan and the gift of agency, even if it means that myself and the world around me are going to be far from perfect for the time being. True it requires faith to see past the current and believe in the eternal where God has promised us that all will be made right and that through the Savior's atoning power we will eventually be made whole, but that faith is a necessary part of this probationary state. Just as faith with without works is dead, works without faith are equally as futile. 

 

All my love,

Kamie