I began my first pregnancy with a scientific view of childbirth. I felt that if everyone believed labor to be painful, then there must be a biological basis for this. Pain is physiological, right? My study of science in college had me absolutely convinced of this. After all, medicine has progressed a ton in the last few decades. If labor wasn't meant to hurt, then science would've figured that out a long time ago, right? Instead, medicine took to developing better pain relief. The invention of the epidural, for instance, was nothing short of inspiration from God to relieve the suffering of women, whom I believe God loves and esteems very highly (more on this in a minute). Though I no longer believe the epidural is the correct solution for me, I do recognize how merciful God is in giving us this gift.
With modern pain relief and modern medicine, one would think there's not much to fear when it comes to childbirth. A large majority of us make it through the experience alive and receive a precious child as our reward, yet somehow the stories we hear most and remember are the few instances where something goes wrong. As I prepared to give birth to Emma, most women expressed fear, anxiety, or at the very least, distaste, when they talked about their labors. Sometimes I wonder if we women like to compete against each other to see who can make their birth story sound the most horrific. Why do we do this? It scares first time moms to death! Of course, I was very nervous about labor when I was pregnant with Emma. Being anxious about the whole thing, I was immediately turned off by uncaring doctors who didn't seem at all invested in me or my unborn child. This is what led me to seek other care, and I ended up with a Certified Nurse Midwife who immediately came across as friendly and caring. I felt pretty good about my choice.
On August 12, 2012, I experienced childbirth for myself. Overall, it was a pretty good experience. My labor went smoothly and Emma was perfect! However, I was shocked to discover what I ended up loathing the most about the whole thing. After the fact, it wasn't the pain (pre-epidural) that bothered me, but the emotional disconnect I felt during and after labor. When Emma was born, I watched the nurses poke and prod her, and I just could not fathom that she was MY child. I couldn't feel much at all, actually, thanks to a very effective epidural, but the emotional numbness was by far the worst part for me. I wanted to be overjoyed. I wanted to feel that gush of love that mothers are supposed to feel, but I felt nothing. Then, after the epidural wore off, my body went into shock, and the pain of recovery was enough to keep me from being able to figure out my emotions. For the next few days, I was a jittery mess of anxiety, and I couldn't enjoy bonding with Emma. The fierce mother love that I now have for Emma didn't come till much later.
For Emma's birth story: http://nkbsfavoritethings.blogspot.com/2012_09_01_archive.html
Heading into this next pregnancy and childbirth, I was determined that I would rectify this. I've done a lot of research, and I'm shocked to say that it wasn't science at all that helped me discover the gap between simply surviving childbirth and the bonding experience that I wanted. Mostly the things of the spirit have been my guide. I discovered that deep down, I knew bringing a life into this world should be a special moment. Why would being a co-creator with God not be a beautiful experience? My intuition, the part of me that knows what is true yet cannot explain it, knows what childbirth should be; a powerful, life-changing experience that bonds the entire family. As Grantly Dick-Read explains in his Childbirth Without Fear, childbirth in it's most beautiful state is driven by elation rather than fear. I wanted to be elated when I felt those first powerful contractions signifying that my baby was on his way. I wanted to experience the miracle of my body working intuitively to bring my baby into the world. I wanted to know what the endorphin rush of holding my baby for the first time felt like. I wanted the triumph of knowing that my baby and I worked together during his birth, that we trusted each other, our bodies, and the natural process of childbirth instead of being afraid. I wanted to have the chance to walk with Christ through an experience greater than myself, and come off not only conquerer, but more importantly, a mother. These are the things I longed for, so I choose to fight for them, even though I knew a lot of people considered it a little bit insane.
The first step on my journey was to ask: Why does our culture no longer see pregnancy and childbirth as a beautiful privilege for women? The answer to this question is more complicated than I can ever claim to understand, but in my study I came across one aspect of western civilization that has contributed to the belief that childbirth should be painful. It is the cultural misunderstanding that God sentenced Eve and her daughters to suffer in childbirth because she was the first to partake of the fruit. I weep thinking of all the women who have thought of themselves as somehow inferior because they were taught that they inherited guilt from Eve. That interpretation of the story of Adam and Eve misunderstands both God, our loving Father, and Eve, the perfect example of maternal sacrifice. Eve is the woman who was willing to give up her own life in order to bring the rest of us to this earth and allow us the opportunity to live, learn, and hopefully reach our full potential as children of God, joint heirs with Christ. Do we forget that God gave Eve the title "the mother of all living?" I don't know about you, but in those words I see an understanding God who loves and respects Eve and her sacrifice. Eve is not to be cursed or punished, but reverenced. I believe that God loves Eve, just as He tenderly loves each of her daughters. Therefore, I refuse to accept that pregnancy, childbirth, and the responsibility of raising children were given to women as a punishment. In my own life, those very things have perhaps been the most meaningful and sacred of my experiences, next to nurturing my eternal relationship with Nate. No, motherhood, including childbirth, is part of what makes being a woman such a privilege.
When you take a close look at the Bible, this truth becomes clear. The verb "etzev," translated as "sorrow" in the KJ version of Genesis 3:16 where God says to Eve, "In sorrow shall thou bring forth children," is more correctly translated as "labor" or "hard work." This makes sense, because the same verb is used when God speaks to Adam and declares, "Cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life." God is telling both Adam and Eve that life is going to require hard work! In their respective responsibilities, they are both going to have to put in a lot of effort. But as Eve explains in Moses 5: 11, "Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the JOY of our redemption, and the ETERNAL LIFE which God giveth unto all the obedient." Adam and Eve don't complain about the hard work that this life requires. Instead, they "bless the name of God." They understand the plan of salvation, the end goal, and they know that mortality, with all of it's hard work and even a fair amount of suffering, is necessary for the ultimate prize to be achieved. The whole point is for us to learn to be like God, and thus receive His happiness and eternal joy.
I'm coming to understand for myself the meaning of Nephi's statement that "for it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things." At first, I thought he meant that we couldn't choose good if we never knew evil, therefore evil is necessary. However, evil, pain, suffering and hard work are not just necessary so that we can recognize the good, happiness and joy, but they also refine us. The very things we loath and try to avoid are also the things that make us the most like God IF we handle them with faith.
So what does this have to do with childbirth? Well, during my research I discovered something called the Fear-Tension-Pain Syndrome. This theory, based on a scientific understanding of how the muscles of the uterus work, states that when anxiety or fear are present in a woman during childbirth, her body, including the muscles of the uterus, tense up. When the uterus tenses, it no longer functions effectively, and the contractions that are designed to open the cervix become restricted and painful and do not do their job as well. This accounts for a large percentage of long, painful labors in modern society (though certainly in some cases genes also play a role), according to Grantly Dick-Read. Coming from a scientific perspective myself, this theory makes a lot of sense to me. Having experienced two very different labors now, I am even more inclined to agree with it. More on that in Part 2. So, in my study of childbirth, I came across a whole field of people who believe that labor doesn't actually have to hurt. Instead of pain, words such as "pressure" and "intense" are used to describe uterine contractions. Childbirth was supposed to take concentration and work, but it was not supposed to be torture, as long as fear was not present. You can imagine how badly I wanted to believe this theory was true.
Honestly, when I discovered fear was the problem, I got a bit discouraged because fear has always been one of my greatest weaknesses. However, in my study of hypnobirthing, I discovered that fear is all in the mind, and it can be controlled. For more on my childbirth prep and learning to overcome fear, check out this post: http://nkbsfavoritethings.blogspot.com/2015/03/if-ye-are-prepared-ye-shall-not-fear.html
On February 15, 2015 I experienced childbirth for the second time, this time equipped with the tools I needed in order to make it a beautiful experience. I can honestly say that my two labors, one natural and one medicated, were as different as night and day. Looking back on my labor with James, I have only fond memories. Yes, there were moments that were very difficult, but I really do believe that my entire family was bonded through the experience, and the bond between James and I came much more quickly this time. It was a sweet, warm, happy experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything, and now that I know what childbirth is capable of being, I will never go back.
For James' birth story: http://nkbsfavoritethings.blogspot.com/2015/03/there-is-no-fear-in-love-james-birth.html
Kamie
No comments:
Post a Comment