The Path Less Traveled

I've loved the idea of taking the path less traveled my whole life. I always had a sense that mine was not to be a typical road. I've felt so far that it hasn't been. But only just now has it occurred to me that in some way, we all must take the path less traveled, and those paths are all different.

There was a time in my naivete that I believed there was only ONE correct path, and I knew from the scriptures that "few there be that find it" (Matt 7:14). I've come to realize, however, that this point of view is harsh and unfair. Though there are certain checkpoints (i.e. baptism, keeping the commandments, etc.) in life that all must pass through in order to gain eternal life, everyone is unique, and we all must experience life uniquely. This means there are many paths, and more than one of them is correct. God can guide us down the path that is best for us, but that does not mean that path is right for everyone else. There is black and white, but also plenty of grey, and it's in the grey that we often find ourselves looking down (or up) our noses at someone. The God-given gift to choose for ourselves is so important.

I think what I'm trying to say is best summed up with the quote "In essentials unity, in nonessentials liberty, in all things charity." Isn't it beautiful! Maybe I'll make it one of my new year's resolutions.

I've come to realize that we should rejoice that our lives are different from others', rather than feeling competitiveness, envy, or judgementalness. Why? Most importantly, because we are all children of God, and we are all loved equally and will receive the same reward after this life if we are worthy. There is no true competition between God's children. God gives and God takes away. We cannot claim any accomplishment for ourselves, only thank God for the blessings he has given us. The true competition is within, between our worst selves and our best selves.  Second, our lives are enriched and we learn and grow by being around others who are different from us.

You're probably asking, why is she writing a post about this? Honestly, I've been going through a bit of a personal "growth-spurt", adjusting to a new city, new people, and trying to find my place in a totally different world. It's been one of those times that are just plain awkward and uncomfortable! But you've got to go through the pain before you ever see the growth (at least I'm hoping to look back and realize that I grew!), and these are the things that I've been thinking about during this time.
Now that I've got this out of my system, maybe I'll work on a Christmas post :)

-Kamie

Just Can't Put My Finger on It...

I love sitting in my comfy love seat, wrapped in a blanket and a book, staring out my back window at the kids playing in the park. I love hearing their laughs as Emma sleeps quietly upstairs. I love the rays of sunshine that sometimes creep through the glass. I love watching students, parents, the elderly woman from the retirement center down the street, and all sorts of people walk past on the trail by my apartment. I love being a part of all the life swarming around me even as I'm nestled in my warm, safe apartment.

I love when Emma practically begs me to tickle her, and I love her surprised laugh when I do. I love watching her first pile a stack of books on my lap, and then climb up and urge me to read them to her. She quickly bores of one and is on to the next, searching for puppies and babies and horses, her favorites. I love the adorable sounds of "ruff ruff" and "puppy" and "baby" that escape her lips. I giggle when I know it's nap time because Emma points to the crib and asks for her binky and her baby doll. My heart melts when after rocking, singing, or cuddling, she finally falls asleep in my arms. These moments are the moments I think I may have died and gone to heaven.

Emma reading in her favorite chair :)

She only looks like me when she's sulking haha :)

I love that there is always someone new, fun, and interesting to talk to in my ward. There are so many young couples, in fact, that I think it may take a year to have them all over if Nate and I keep our goal to have people over once a week. I love that they're all different and that I can learn a lot from them. I love game nights and playgroup and zumba. I love that I have neighbors that I not only know and like, but that I can count on when I'm in a bind. I love that Emma's new pal, Tessa, lives next door. 

She's already best buds with the Bishop :)

I love that having a super busy husband in dental school, a circumstance which some may pity, has led me to become a new, more independent person. I love that I can carry out the trash myself, open the lid to the sugar bucket myself, make and clean up dinner by myself, wash and fold the laundry myself, and take care of Emma's needs during the day, while still having time for exercise, scripture study, reading, and teaching myself piano. I love that I can usually do all this without resentment. I love that I am still growing and improving everyday even with my extremely busy schedule.

I love that the institution of marriage and family still works despite challenges, and in fact holds society together. I love that Nate makes time to watch Emma twice a week while I go to zumba. I love that we watch "Once upon a time" and eat ice cream on Monday nights. I love that we squeeze a date in on weekends between his studying and working in the lab. I love that he never complains about how hard he has it, even if I break down and complain to him. I love when he plays with Emma and they both laugh and laugh. I love having a family.

I love having my Grandpa and my uncle Joey close by for the first time in my life. I love driving on the highway at night and passing the glowing, sleepless city. It takes my breath away every time. I love all the fun activities there are to do here. I love that my beets and chard are actually growing here in the winter. I love that I went outside today without a jacket in November.

Emma and Claire, Joey's daughter :)

Hiking Camano Island, Nate showing Emma a jellyfish.

The zoo is just around the corner! Emma loves animals!

Basically, there are so many things that I love here in Seattle, that I just can't explain why I wake up each morning feeling like there's just a little something missing. I just can't put my finger on it. I've had this problem my whole life. It's like birthdays. They never actually end up being very fun because you spend so much time anticipating it and getting your hopes up. Well, maybe I had unrealistic expectations, I don't know. I do know that besides the traffic, I really have no major complaints about Seattle. I'm doing just fine. If I could change anything I would move my family and best friends a little closer, but who wouldn't?

Emma doing yoga in church :)

Love,
Kamie

I'm Wrong

Okay, so I'm about to admit to everyone that I'm not perfect. Oh wait, you already guessed that! Well, I'll tell you anyway :)

I've always been what I now call an "all or nothing" person. This means that I'm either all in something or I'm not in at all. I cannot or will not (still deciding) do something that I'm pretty positive I'll fail at, or attempt something when I can't contribute the time and energy needed to make it a complete success. You might call this a form of perfectionism. Anyways, obviously this has held me back in a lot of ways. It's also simplified my life and helped me sort out my priorities. But the point of this post is not to talk about my perfectionism. Rather it's to admit that unbeknownst to me this was affecting my view of others in a negative way. I clearly needed some humbling so the Lord opened my eyes and helped me to see.

On August 12, 2012 I became a mother. My "all or nothing" self clung to this role with a fierceness that shocked even me. I became a mama bear like no other. I began to defend motherhood and it's importance every chance I got. I felt that others who were not mothers were judging me and looking down on me and what I did, so I had to speak up! And occasionally I would judge...

And I was wrong. Not about motherhood, I have no regrets on that score. Choosing to become a mother was absolutely right for me. I was wrong in my judgements of others. My naivete led me to question others' life choices, especially if they differed from mine. That was before I met wonderful women struggling with infertility. That was before a good friend lost her unborn child at 39 weeks. That was before I realized that everyone is suffering in one way or another, and most of the time it's in ways we can't see.

Even as a child I earned a reputation for being wise. My grandma always told me I had wisdom beyond my years. Well, I don't feel wise anymore. I've spent so much time thinking I knew it all and had everyone figured out, and now I realize I know nothing!

But the Lord knows.

And what a comfort that is.

I'll never be able to truly put myself in some else's shoes, but He can.

I'll NEVER be able to judge the heart of another person, but He can.

I'll never be able to succor the weak or lift the hands that hang down without the help of a Savoir who has decended below all things and has overcome.

He has and He continues to overcome.

When first coming to Seattle, I started to feel a little bit sorry for myself. I saw families that had this or that better than me or didn't have this or that trial. But as I was diligently seeking for answers from the Lord about where I needed to take my life, I found that I was being incredibly selfish, not to mention covetous! Oh, and I was wrong (are you sensing a pattern here?). I discovered I needed to turn outwards. Nate and I have since made a goal to try to invite people into our home weekly. We've met so many awesome people, all different, and all spectacular in their own ways. I've seen more how the Lord loves each of them individually for who they are and who they can become.

The most memorable for me so far was when we had a Muslim family in our neighborhood over for dinner. We had a nice chat about religion and shared some delicious middle eastern bread they brought to share. I felt so uplifted being able to get to know them. I feel so blessed to have met some really amazing people that I would not have met had I not followed this prompting.

I also thought missionary work was too hard for me. I was wrong! I had felt prompted that I needed to step up my game in this area. I was afraid, but I prayed for missionary opportunities with real intent. Before I knew it, an opportunity was throwing itself at me! A friend of mine was chatting with a neighbor of ours who goes to a non-denominational church. She bravely started asking her questions about her church while I listened from the sidelines, shaking violently as I realized soon I would have to say something! The next thing I knew, the conversation had switched to our church and the differences between the two. Soon I was pitching in, and by the end we could feel the spirit so strongly as we testified of our beliefs. I think this helped strengthen our relationship with our neighbor as we better understood each other's beliefs. I felt so happy and excited afterwards that it made me want to have more experiences like that :)

I thought that the craziness of Nate's second year of dental school and my second year of mothering an energizer bunny would hurt our relationship and drive me crazy! I'm happy to say I was wrong! :) The moment I realized that Nate's burdens were just as heavy as mine, if not heavier, was the moment I no longer complained about doing the dishes or changing a poopy diaper. I found renewed strength to accomplish all of my duties without relying on Nate. Nate also found that he was able to organize his time and work faster so we could spend time together in the evenings. I know the Lord was helping us and will continue to help and guide us.

I'm humbled. I now know I'm pretty much wrong about everything. Oh well! I don't have to figure it out alone. One thing I know I'm not wrong about: the Lord.

-Kamie

Surviving Seattle

I've titled this post "Surviving Seattle." So you're now thinking, "Ouch, is it really that bad?" Well....

Okay, no :)

But, it's a long story...

Here goes. The place STINKS!!!!!!!!! Not literally, but really, is there anything to recommend a sullen, soggy, moldy, congested, spider infested, pay for parking, horrible traffic, expensive groceries, anti-children area? No.

Well, maybe there is...like the beautiful glowing city at night, or the view of the water from the park, or the fact that everything is green, and when the sun does come out, it's absolutely beautiful...

Can you tell I have mixed feelings? I came to Seattle fully aware of all the horror stories, but DETERMINED to like it because I am stuck here for 3 years. Turns out I like it okay, but I left my heart in Spokane. Yes, Spokane. I get chills just thinking of Spokane haha. But we will live to see (and maybe stay) in Spokane another day. Right now, I am in Seattle, and I am coping by looking for cheap flights home to Utah for the holidays.

The people are...different. But not all of them. Truthfully, there are a WHOLE LOT of cranky people here, but after not seeing the sun for years, hey, I can't blame them. Emma loves waving at anyone that passes by as we are walking, and here in Seattle, only about 1 in 20 people even acknowledge her! And 1 in 50 will wave back. Boy, those are pretty dismal statistics. Why is everyone so incredibly unfriendly? Sure she's my baby and I think she is the cutest thing ever, but come on, who wouldn't be glad to have an adorable child wave at them? It would make my day.

Oh, and it took us an hour and a half to make the 20 minute drive to the temple on a UW game day. WORST traffic experience ever!

Okay, ready for something more chipper? My ward and my apartment community (yes, I said community) are AWESOME! Nate and I were very blessed to get into UW Family Housing the week before school started. This was nothing short of a miracle because it's very competitive getting in. Rent is about $400 cheaper here than most other apartments close by, and we are RIGHT on the bike trial that gets Nate to school in less that 10 minutes (driving is IMPOSSIBLE in this area). Plus, BIG BONUS, I feel safe here! It's hard to describe, but the way they've designed the apartment complex feels enclosed, secluded, and safe. I love that we will be getting our own washer and dryer in our apartment this weekend, and Emma loves that there is endless fun waiting for her in the playground that is literally in our backyard (not always so fun for mom haha). Oh yeah, and there are free Zumba classes here two nights a week with some pretty awesome women. That MAKES my week, and has probably kept me sane.

Emma and I love playgroup here :)

Emma's heaven :)

Our apartment:

I'm pretty proud of Emma's room (how did I get everything to fit?)

Emma LOVES this!

Love these huge closets!

Also love the huge glass sliding door,
which is always covered in Emma fingerprints :)

I love peeking at Emma eating in her high chair while I'm in the kitchen :)

No pictures of our room cause it's a mess and not cute yet haha :)

The ward is full of fun, young couples and then lots of old couples too. Not many in between, but I kinda like it. Everyone is friendly. I already have visiting teaching assignments! We've gone to a ward camp out, a ward service activity (in the rain of course) and three Sundays and we feel pretty much like we belong (although I still feel a tad awkward because I always do in new places).

Emma at the ward camp out :)

Nate wanted it to look like he was floating haha :)

Do you ever have a feeling of dread? I've been having dread softly spoken to me lately. How? I've heard at least 100 times that the second year of dental school is THE WORST thing ever. This has come from everyone, including wives of 3rd year dental students. Yikes! It's only been a week and it's already rough. Nate leaves between 7-8 am and usually gets home between 6-7 pm. Okay, maybe that's survivable, but we don't have a dishwasher...and Nate has too much homework to help clean up after dinner...I think I'm probably going to break down and buy a dishwasher or I may wear out from exhaustion (or dry hands). So far, it hasn't been deadly tough, but I'm waiting for the hard part to hit.

Alright, now you get to hear about the funny coincidence that is our next door neighbors. Turns out they are not only LDS, and they moved in the same time that we did, but they ALSO have a little girl that is just a couple of months younger than Emma. They are already best pals! Everyday Emma escapes through the back door and runs over to knock on their back window. She would love to live at their house haha :) Everyone in the ward keeps telling Kate (the neighbor) and I that we look alike (we are the same height and brunettes). I will be surprised when they finally get us straight. I feel bad for the people we visit teach (turns out we are also visiting teaching companions), they'll be extremely confused haha. Anyways, Kate is already an awesome neighbor and friend. She babysat Emma and brought me dinner when I was sick this week (I had a freak 104 degree fever)! I couldn't have asked for a better neighbor. Hopefully we'll help each other stay sane through the rainy winters. The only bad thing about these neighbors is that they went to the U. Haha but we'll keep em ;)

Emma and Tessa enjoying the last day of summer :)

Other exciting things:

Emma is so interesting these days. She is starting to interact on a much higher level than before. I can tell that she is understanding a lot more of what I say because she actually obeys! Well, sometimes :) She is really good at stopping whatever she is doing when I say "uh-oh", though sometimes she still looks at me and then goes ahead and does it anyway haha :) But for the most part she listens and does what I ask her to do. She is a MILLION times messier than before (how is this possible?), but luckily we can limit the mess to one part of the house because we have a townhouse layout. She is getting pickier about foods. Her favorites? Swedish fish, fruit snacks, cheese, peas, and pretzels. Boy, aren't we healthy! I do force her to eat other things but she begs for these things if she ever catches a glimpse of them. She can be VERY demanding. As soon as I open the curtain on the back window, she is banging on it till I take her out to the playground. This makes rainy days hard. When I finally do take her out, she quickly bores of the playground and runs away and explores everything she can. Silly girl!

She found the fruit snack box, and she knows what's inside!

Rainy day

Can't put them together yet, but that doesn't stop her from loving her puzzles.

I have to say, "In your face!" to the guy at Home Depot who told me nothing would grow at this time of year! Pessimistic jerk! Here are my beets and chard in my mini backyard garden :)

Last week

This week :)

I can't wait till we can eat them! :)

Well, so far our new adventure has been pretty fun. We're excited! Wish us luck (we need it)!

-Kamie