Awake
In my previous post I told about the trial of my faith and how the Lord helped me overcome it. That was just the beginning of the next chapter in my story though. After re-realizing how literal the scriptures were, I found my spiritual eyes opened to a new world. In a way I can say that I was spiritually asleep and then awoke. This is an oft repeated theme in the scriptures. And this is why I felt prompted to write my story, in the hope that I can help just one person see the gospel in a deeper way than they have before.
I think a big part of my change of heart came as I became fed up with the evil of the world. I was late to the whole “Epstein didn’t kill himself” idea until Kamie’s brother explained it to me. But realizing there was such evil in high places made me sick. For me it wasn't so much a political issue as a moral one.
You probably all know about Epstein and his island for sex trafficking that involved wealthy and powerful people from many countries. Epstein was supposed to appear in court, but was found hanged in his prison cell when the cameras (that were supposed to be always on) were turned off. Many people called out saying that things were very suspicious and repeated, “Epstein didn’t kill himself” because his death was very convenient to the powerful people he should have testified against.
I then came across an article talking about a show that sexualized young girls. The article said there was a large cry for Netflix to take the show down with the recent revelations on Epstein’s island, but they said they didn’t want to impede artistic creativity even if they disagreed with it.
At the same time I was having a very hard time finding anything religious on Netflix. One Sunday I was trying to put a Bible story or something on for the kids and found even Veggie Tales had no Bible story episodes, but only Veggie Tales in the House and Veggie Tales in the City. Literally no other options for kids. The hypocrisy of the situation made me mad. How could our world look at things so very upside down?
This really took away almost all desire I had to support them. Kamie and I used to watch a show every night. This would be our relax and unwind time. I now realize we worked to get time to relax and then relaxed a bit so we could go back to work the next day. Everybody’s working for the weekend. I came to realize we were literally wasting our lives away.
The following scripture came to mind, “Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor labor for that which cannot satisfy.” 2 Nephi 9:51 (See also Isaiah 55:2) https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/9?lang=eng&id=p51#p51
I realized that I wanted to start doing things that were more meaningful with my time. But like weeding a garden, you have to plant things that are better or the weeds will grow right back. So instead of consuming high calorie, low nutrient entertainment, we started substituting more nutritious entertainment. I may do a post later about some of the things that we found to replace the hours we used to waste.
Don’t get me wrong, I still LOVE to sit back and watch something, but we do it in far more healthy portions now. One thing we started doing was increasing our knowledge, especially our spiritual knowledge. This is when the scriptures really started to become ALIVE. We started moving beyond just reading a chapter to check a box on our spiritual To Do checklist and really studying to learn. We listened to YouTube speeches about certain topics, downloaded some sweet Audible books and listened to many more conference talks. The following verse sums up how the scriptures became a delight to my soul:
"Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me."
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/alma/32?id=p28&lang=eng#p28
I’d ask you now to think about what effect the music you listen to has on you? Does it make you happy, depressed, lustful, angry? Do the movies you watch glorify violence? Do they inspire you and motivate you to be kind? Does it draw you closer to God or distance you from Him? Does it make you love God, your family or fellow humans? Or does it make you cranky and angry? You make all the decisions on what you consume, but I just want to bring awareness that these things do affect us and our subconscious. And a lot of times we make ourselves so busy with the things of the world that we shortchange the growth of our inner spirit.
Here’s another scripture that I like that resonates with the change I felt take place inside of me.
"And then shall be brought to pass that which is written: Awake, awake again, and put on thy strength, O Zion; put on thy beautiful garments… And then shall a cry go forth: Depart ye, depart ye, go ye out from thence, touch not that which is unclean; go ye out of the midst of her; be ye clean that bear the vessels of the Lord." 3 Nephi 20:36, 41 and also Isaiah 52:7, 11
Now I feel so much more peace and confidence and have much more direction and purpose in my life. Kamie and I are much more united and patient with each other. I have almost no temptation to be angry with others as it has mostly been purged from my heart (but I still have a long way to go in many areas). Yet, like all spiritual growth, I don't attribute it to my own power. But rather it is a gift of the Spirit that has changed my heart. It is faith in Christ that has changed me... and can change you.
