Since I wrote last in November, a lot has changed in our lives. Most importantly, Nate and I are expecting a precious baby to be born in August. We find out this week if it is a boy or a girl :) Also, Nate got accepted to the University of Washington Dental School RIDE program. Needless to say, the Lord has blessed us abundantly. We have been a little overwhelmed with these blessings (no one ever said pregnancy was easy) but we are SOOOOOO grateful! Nate graduates in just a few weeks, and I finish school in June. We will both be walking in the BYU Graduation Commencement this April. It will be fun to see family and to celebrate finally being done!!!!! So, we only have a few more months in Provo before we head off to Washington. It will be a whole new fun and exciting time in our lives.
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| My 19 weeks baby belly :) |
Everything is changing so quickly these days that it is hard to keep track sometimes. Another thing that has changed a lot in the past few months is my perspective. In the moments when I have been thinking clearly (AKA not overwhelmed with pregnancy hormones ha ha), I have begun to understand an important truth: Life is about learning. It took me a rather long time to realize that the whole point of going to school was to learn something, which sometimes can be hard to recognize beneath the craziness of grades and future career plans. Once I realized this, though, it didn't take quite as long for me to figure out that life must be about learning, too.
Here's how I came to this conclusion:
Since getting married and becoming pregnant, I have had to be two things at once: A wife and future mom and a student. In the past I only had to be a student and therefore could focus all of my attention on being the best student possible. However, when I took on another role of being a wife and mother, my attention became divided. I tried to be a great student and a great pregnant wife at the same time. Obviously, I failed. I had to choose which I would focus on, or else be mediocre at both. So far, I have mostly just been mediocre since I feel both are important and can't justify abandoning one or the other. This is really hard for me because I like to be really good at whatever I do, and all I've ever really done is be a student. So, on days when I haven't been able study as much as I need to and haven't gotten the A on the test, I have felt horrible about myself. Then, when I have come home to realize that the apartment is a mess and that dinner still needs to be made, I have felt even worse. I had in my mind growing up this idea that I would be the perfect wife, that the house would always be spotless and that every meal would be elegant. Instead, I have depended on Nate to do most of the cleaning, some of the cooking, and what I have managed to cook has been far from elegant. Our apartment isn't perfectly organized or spotless like I imagined... I took these feelings of failure to Nate, and he explained to me that I was expecting WAY too much from myself. I expected to be perfect without learning HOW to be perfect, and learning how takes lots of time and practice.
So, though deep down I still wish I was more like the perfect woman I imagine I should be, I think more about what I am doing right and what I still have to learn. I have A LOT to learn, but I realize that I am not a failure. I am doing really important and challenging things. Luckily, I have Nate to help me. He is an angel and is more than willing to pick up my slack. He has been working four jobs and helping with all of the house work, not to mention dealing with all of my stress and hormones. He is so wonderful and I am so grateful for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He has taught me that I can set goals to improve at certain things, or study something so I can understand better how to do something the right way. Honestly, I am looking forward to graduating so that I have more time to concentrate on learning all the things I want to know. It is so much more fun! For example, one goal I have for after I graduate is to learn to make the perfect spaghetti sauce. Another is to learn how to grow a garden. I'm sure I could think of a hundred things I want to learn. I'll be keeping a list ;)
Another thing that has helped me to come to this conclusion is a class that I am taking right now. It is an honors civilization class and has caused me to think a lot. We are reading some great books, including "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl and Gandhi's Autobiography. I have learned a lot about life from these great men. As I have studied a huge variety of subjects in this class and in my other classes, I have realized that all the truths I have learned add to each other and create a beautiful picture of God and His love for us. All of these truths have increased my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The more I learn about the gospel and about seemingly unrelated things, the more this testimony grows. Everything testifies that there is a God. I love learning for this reason. I have enjoyed my scripture study and my school studies a lot more as I have come to understand this. One day I will know everything! But for now I'll just keep learning what I can and what the Lord wants me to know.
Well, Nate and I are really excited for the future! And also a little scared lol :) But we have faith the the Lord will bless us and help us to accomplish our goals (and His goals for us). He has never let us down in the past, and He has given us far more than we deserve! Though we know it will be hard to move to a new state, start dental school, and have a new baby all at once, we hope it will be an adventure. I am determined to be happy about every moment of it! We'll see how long that lasts lol :) But the Lord will be with us, and we have wonderful family and friends to help us along the way! So we are excited and hopeful. And so in love :)
Here are some random pictures from the last few months:
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| Our first New Year's Kiss as a married couple. |
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| Us in front of the Christmas Tree at the Bushman's house this Christmas. I helped pick the tree. It was my first time having a real tree for Christmas. We had so much fun with the Bushman family over the holidays! |
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| Nate in front of the largest castle made out of cardboard boxes. He was SOOO excited to help build it! (I wouldn't say sooo excited, I just thought it was a good study break and wanted to be part of a world record -Nate) |
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| This is what I woke up to on Valentine's Day. Nate was so sweet! He got me everything I wanted :) All I had to get him was Sees Chocolate and he was more than satisfied lol :) |
-Nate and Kamie
