Why I Love

I have been overwhelmed with so much love lately, that I thought it would be a shame if I ever forgot the little things that make me love my family so much. So this one is for my family.  Love you all so much!!!!!!!!!!!

MOM
She always seems to have the answer to all my questions. She is so tough! I am inspired every time I see her load a moving truck. She is the most selfless person I know. I realize now just how much she has sacrificed for my siblings and I. A lot of times she had to do it all alone. I admire her strength and independence. She is very organized and manages to keep everything in the family running smoothly. Her quiet testimony burns through when I see her love for others. She is always a good neighbor and visiting teacher. Even the silly things, like her tendency to raise her voice while watching a football game, are endearing. I love my mom :)

DAD
Growing up I always thought he was quiet. Now I hear loud and clear all the things he was really saying all along. Like when he would sit me down and talk to me about something I thought I already understood, he was really just telling me he loved me. And it turns out, he was always right when he gave me advice. Also, when he brought his young family to the temple (I was only a baby) he was telling us he wanted to be with us forever. I remember when I was young and he would leave for a business trip, I would cling on his leg and cry, not wanting him to leave. I remember when I was being obnoxious and bugging my older brother, my dad was always on my side. I sure was a daddy's girl, even from the moment I was born. I love his quiet sense of humor. He's the one who instilled in me a love of nutrition. I love how he always waves goodbye to me as I drive away. I love my dad :)

KYLIE
The best words to describe Kylie are fun and funny. She is full of energy and always entertaining. But underneath all that silliness is a big heart. I love how she really cares about her friends and family. I think it's great that she is so great with kids. She's always got a couple clinging to her. She is also very confident and talented. She has been determined and has worked hard, and now she is a beautiful dancer. I admire how committed she is to her dance and it is always a treat to see her perform. She doesn't let fear hold her back. I wish I were brave like Kylie. She handled her knee surgery with amazing strength! She is aIso a great example for everyone around her. I love Kylie :)

KORTNEY
She is my little buddy, although she's not so little anymore. We've always been able to talk about funny things and spiritual things one on one. I treasure those bonding moments. I'm glad she still thinks I'm cool enough to hang out with. She has a strong desire to do what is right. She is helpful and giving. I love when we joke and laugh together. I think we are a lot more alike than it would seem. She is externally feisty and I am internally. I love watching her cheer because I get to see all of her energy explode on stage. She is a natural leader. I am proud of everything she is accomplishing. I love Kortney :)

KELLEN
He is my exact opposite, which has helped me to have a broader perspective on life. He is very determined and a hard worker. I am convinced he could accomplish anything he set his mind to. I know he loves his family a lot. He makes me laugh. We can always count on him when we need him to move something heavy. I love his big booming laugh and his hugs that drown me. I know he would be there to defend me in a second if I were ever in trouble. I love Kellen :)

NATE
He is my best friend in the whole world. I love that I can talk to him about anything. He is very understanding for a guy, and even when he doesn't understand he still respects my feelings. I know that he is truly good inside. He is fun and full of life. He helps me to have more fun. He is a wonderful father and is so supportive of me as a mother. He is incredibly patient with me. I love how his heart is always in the right place. He doesn't care what people think of him. He loves sharing the gospel. He is such a good influence on me. And the list goes on and on. I love Nate :)

Emma, Spokane, and Blessings: Our New Life

You know that moment when you think, "I am SOOO happy! I am as happy as I will ever be!" Well, I've had several of those moments throughout my life, and it turns out, I was wrong every time. One of those moments was, of course, when I married Nate. I was SOOO happy, but the truth is, that was just the beginning of a very happy path with many other happy moments on it. Lately, I've been having those SOOO happy moments a lot. Like when I listen to Emma cooing at her animal friends on her rocker, or when she gives me a big smile or squeals in delight, or when I cuddle her to sleep at night. Sometimes I think I will never be happier than I am now. How could I be after all, since I am SOOO happy, but I know that as more children come my happiness will only grow. I think it is really just my love for others that makes me happy, so the more family and friends I have to love, the happier I am :) You would think that you would start to run out of love, but I am realizing that since Emma has been in our lives, my love for Nate and my other family members has only grown! I think there is no end to the amount of love we can feel, and therefore no end to the amount of joy we can have :) Isn't that great!

Sometimes I am amazed that I can be so happy right now with so many new experiences and challenges in our lives, but then I remember that it wasn't until Adam and Eve left the garden and experienced opposition that they finally had joy. And who ever said the easy road was the happiest road? I would much rather take a difficult hike with beautiful, changing scenery than to take an easy hike with nothing but dirt and sagebrush to look at. But that's just me ;)

So what kind of scenery have Nate and I been looking at lately?

First: Spokane. Nate and I have both realized that Spokane is a very strange city; beautiful and interesting, but very strange. Why? To start, the number of homeless people here is astounding, and I have yet to figure out how to balance generosity with reason. Second, the city is split in half, one side being wealthy and the other side being the slums. I pretty much avoid the poorer parts because the bars on all the windows is a hint that a girl like me is not cut out for those places. Also, the road systems are so poorly designed that it takes nearly half an hour to get anywhere. All our favorite stores are either really far away or aren't even here. I've pretty much learned to be satisfied with my own little block up here in one of the safer parts of Spokane. I've got Super 1, the library, Ross, the bank, a baby thrift store, and of course, Coldstone :)

We do love some things about Spokane. Our ward is great! We've met so many nice people at church and made some friends too :) Also, Nate's school has been great. He's learning a lot, and his classmates are pretty cool. They all love Emma! :) It has been fun getting to know lots of new people. And of course, it's beautiful here. I love all the parks and the trees :) Manito park is my favorite!

I got the chance to go home and visit Utah in September. It wasn't until I left Utah that I realized how much I loved it there. There is something special about it, which I could almost FEEL as we drove back into the Salt Lake Valley. Though I'm sure we will never move back, I have to admit I am grateful for the time we spent there :) I am so glad I got to visit and introduce Emma to some very important people in my life :)

Emma cheering for the Cougars :)

I have had some interesting first time experiences here in Spokane. One, being around other people while they are drinking alcohol. I don't think I had ever even seen a beer before we went to dinner with some of Nate's friends from school, and they were, of course, drinking. Weird! Also, paying for parking to go to the mall...I can't afford to buy anything if I have to pay $8 for parking! Also weird! Never would've had there experiences back home lol :)

Second: Emma. Having Emma around is so fun :) Nate and I enjoy cuddling together, just the three of us, and staring at Emma. She is so fun to watch! Sometimes she is talkative and wiggly, other times she is out like a light. I can almost see her getting bigger each day (she weighs 10 lbs 14 oz now!) and smarter too! I just want what is best for her and to give her everything she needs. I never realized before how much my parents loved me until I had Emma. I LOVE her soooooo much!!!!!!!!! I would do anything for her :) Everyday I pray that she will be safe, happy, and healthy, and continue to grow and develop well :) So far my prayers have been answered.

We had the opportunity to bless Emma on September 30th. It was such a fun experience! My dad flew in and the Bushman's drove down for the weekend. Nate invited his friends from school and a coworker, and I just happened to be asked to give a talk that week! I was SOOOOO nervous because I knew some of the people coming were not members of the church, but the Lord helped me to prepare a talk that I think both members and nonmembers understood and enjoyed. I was so grateful to have the support of friends and family there. I was especially glad that my dad could be there to participate. I'm grateful that Emma has such wonderful men and priesthood holders in her life! :) The whole blessing was a beautiful experience and I think Emma liked it too! :)

Emma in her blessing dress. It was made by my grandma from my mom's wedding dress :)

Well, Emma is two months old now, and I think I am starting to get the gist of what it really means to be a mom. I am amazed as I realize how much of my time is spent doing something for someone else (pretty much all of it). You would think, as most TV shows and the popular world would tell you, that this would significantly decrease my personal happiness. I'm here to tell you they're all wrong! Christ explained it best when He said, "He who loseth his life for my sake shall find it" (Matt 10:39). Granted, though I'm not directly giving my life to Christ,  I am doing what I believe He wants me to do, and as I (though sometimes begrudgingly) sacrifice my own personal wishes and comfort for Emma and Nate, I feel a peace and joy that is not found in any other way. I've grown up a lot in the past couple of months. I've learned my life can be so much more meaningful if I give it to someone other than myself. Somehow I feel that I am contributing something really important to the world, but not because I graduated cum laude or because I have lots of talent, but because I am giving the necessary time, energy, and love that one of God's children needs to grow and develop. Somehow I feel that Emma will be even better and more righteous than I am, and she will go on to bless the world in countless ways. Some people will say I'm not living much of a life, and maybe that's true, but I know that in many ways, even after I'm gone, part of me will still be living through the positive influence I had on Emma.

This poem explains how I feel:

Two Temples

A Builder builded a temple,
He wrought it with grace and skill;
Pillars and groins and arches
All fashioned to work his will.
Men said, as they saw its beauty,
“It shall never know decay;
Great is thy skill, O Builder!
Thy fame shall endure for aye.”

A Mother builded a temple
With loving and infinite care,
Planning each arch with patience,
Laying each stone with prayer.
None praised her unceasing efforts,
None knew of her wondrous plan,
For the temple the Mother builded
Was unseen by the eyes of man.

Gone is the Builder’s temple,
Crumpled into the dust;
Low lies each stately pillar,
Food for consuming rust,
But the temple the Mother builded
Will last while ages roll,
For that beautiful unseen temple
Was a child’s immortal soul.

-By Hattie Vose Hall

Lastly: Blessings. So, do I have any regrets? Of course not! Are there hard days? Definitely. Do I sometimes wish life could be as easy as it once was? Sure. But I would never go back now that I have felt the joy that I have felt as part of growing our family. Emma is worth every sacrifice. It's hard to understand that before you've had children of your own, but now I get it. I love Emma more than I love myself. She is truly one of the greatest blessings I have ever been given. I am so grateful to have Nate right by my side through this whole new adventure and challenge. I am so grateful to have the security, peace and love that comes through having a temple marriage. Being a mom would be ten times harder without my wonderful husband! Honestly, I wonder what I have ever done to deserve being so blessed, but I know the answer: nothing. God, in His infinite mercy, chose to bless me because He loves me. To Him I will be eternally indebted and eternally grateful.

-Kamie

Welcome Emma: A TRUE Story

Nate and I recently welcomed our beautiful daughter, Emma Marie Bushman, into our family on August 12th. For the sake of those few people who are curious about how our life has been since, and to make sure my memories are preserved, I thought I'd write the story here on our blog. As tempted as I am to only tell the happy parts of the story and paint a fairytale picture of our life for the public, I decided it would be much more beneficial for everyone if I told the whole truth: the good, the bad, the ugly, and especially the wonderful. So now you know that what follows isn't an exaggeration, and if it sometimes sounds too good to be true, it's not. For those moments that are almost too perfect to believe, I give the credit to God. He truly has been right there by our side through this whole experience, and we are ever grateful.

Patiently Waiting:

Emma was born on August 12th at 11:39 a.m., but the story really begins before that. It begins with finding out at 35 weeks that I was already 1 cm dilated, which is pretty unusual for a first pregnancy. This got our hopes up that Emma would be born several weeks early. Since Nate was to start dental school the 13th of August, we were secretly praying all through my pregnancy that Emma would be born early (she was due the 16th) so that we could get used to her and settle down before Nate started school. So we moved into an apartment in Spokane two weeks earlier than we had planned, totally convinced that Emma could come at any moment.

37 weeks came around and I was 3 cm dilated and 70% effaced. My midwife guessed that I would probably not carry past my due date, but urged us not to get our hopes up too high, as it is really unusual to deliver early with first pregnancies. I went home discouraged, thinking Emma would not come early, but then I talked to my mom, who said she went into labor at 4 cm every time, and my hopes soared again. Just 1 cm away! The next week we found out that I was still only 3 cm dilated. My midwife was out of town, but at that point Nate and I were so desperate to get Emma out (Nate started orientation in only a couple of days) that we didn't care if my midwife was there for the delivery or not, and I asked to have my membranes stripped. I was surprised it didn't hurt that bad, but maybe that was because the nurse didn't do it right, which I suspect may be the case because it didn't work, at least not immediately. Each day following that was agonizing! I really felt like something was wrong with me because I was still pregnant and I was sure that I would have given birth by then! There is nothing quite like waiting for a baby to come, that's for sure. Nate's orientation came and went, and no baby. Friday night we had a false alarm that my water had broken, but no luck. I become one of those over anxious pregnant women that the hospital sent home still pregnant.

So there we were, the weekend before the official start of dental school, and I was still pregnant. We were in an unfamiliar city with our family far enough away that they couldn't be much help in the event that I went into labor while Nate was in class and couldn't get me to the hospital. I was beginning to be really afraid. All along we had been praying that Emma would be born at the right time, and I couldn't understand why the right time hadn't come yet! But we kept praying and tried a few things to help the right time come a little sooner. That Saturday I woke up and jokingly said to Nate that we should try some spicy food that day. He doesn't need much urging to be convinced to take a trip to the taco wagon, so we went and got a burrito for lunch. Nate kindly encouraged me as I downed half of a burrito buried in hot salsa and jalapenos. I never eat spicy food, so I turned beet red and nearly hyperventilated. Almost immediately after that I started having a lot more Braxton Hix contractions. They started to come often enough that we thought we should start timing them. They fluctuated from 5 minutes apart to 15 minutes apart, with no regularity. We went for a walk that night, and Nate made me walk up and down the stairs several times, all with the hope that my false labor would kick into real labor. No luck! I was terrified that if I went to bed, the contractions would stop and all my hard work would've been for nothing. But to bed we went, with me almost in tears as I thought of going to church the next morning still pregnant.

Labor and Delivery:

At approximately 5:45 a.m. the next morning I was awakened by the sound of a loud popping noise and a feeling that someone had slapped my belly. No, Nate hadn't slapped me, I discovered as I got out of bed and felt water trickling down my legs. Luckily I made it to the bathroom before it really started to gush. I was leaking A LOT, so I knew this time it was not a false alarm! My water really had broken!!!!! Nate got out of bed excitedly and hurriedly packed up a few last minute things, grabbed the hospital bag and some breakfast, and rushed me out the door. I could tell the contractions were already pretty close together, and getting more painful. On our drive to the hospital, we were held up by a flock of turkeys crossing the road. Really? We both laughed! The hospital was only a couple miles down the road so we weren't too stressed for time thankfully :)

I'll skip all the boring stuff from getting to the hospital down to when they finally got me into my own labor room. Seemed like forever! No one at the hospital had a sense of urgency, which seems ironic to me. When we got to the hospital (about 6:20 a.m.) I was dilated to 4 c.m., but by the time they checked me again I was already at 6 c.m.! My plan for a natural birth and pretty much my entire birth plan went out the window as soon as I felt what real labor contractions were like. I thought I would be able to relax and try to breath through the pain, but it wasn't that kind of pain. I felt myself losing control, and I could tell that my labor was progressing quickly. I knew then that I would need the epidural and I would need it very soon! The nurses didn't seems to be in any hurry though, and I was starting to get pretty annoyed as contraction after contraction came and still no IV and no anesthesiologist. Nate had to light a fire under the nurses butts to get them to get a move on. Finally, sweet relief after 3 hours of pain! I'm so glad God inspired someone to invent the epidural :)

The rest of the labor was a breeze! The next time the nurse checked me (a little over an hour after the epidural) I was completely dilated. The doctor on call (my midwife wasn't working that weekend) was busy delivering two other babies at the time, so I laid patiently in bed waiting for the doctor before we started pushing. When it looked like he was ready we started, and I got to watch it all with a mirror. 30 minutes later we heard Emma's first cries. The doctor barely got his gloves on in time to catch her. Really? Yes, no sense of urgency at all! Didn't they realize that Emma was in a hurry to get here! We had the family on speaker phone to hear as she let our her first screams. The nurse put her on my stomach right away and I got to hold her for a few minutes before they took her away to weigh and measure her. She was 7lbs 5oz and 20in long. So beautiful! It took me awhile for it to register that that adorable pink screaming thing was really my baby! Nate was in love immediately, and didn't leave her side as they did all the newborn procedures. I watched with a touch of tears in my eyes, trying to comprehend it all.

The rest of the day is a blur. I just remember trying to bond with Emma, figure out how to take care of her, and at the same time recover from the labor (who knew the aftermath was almost as hard as the labor itself?). The Bushmans were there to offer love and support, and my family was on their way up from Utah. We got to watch as they gave Emma her first bath that night. A little after that she started gagging. Needless to say I didn't sleep at all that night. I was terrified she would stop breathing! But she was just fine, and I eventually learned to relax :)

Nate took such great care of me :)

 

The First Week:

Well, Nate started school the next day, and my family didn't get to the hospital till around noon. So, I was on my own for the very first time with a new baby! You would think that would be a great time for me to bond with her, right? Not so much, seeing as I hadn't slept at all the night before, I was extremely emotional from my massive shift in hormones, and I was overwhelmed by the task of trying to calm down my fussing baby. Everyone at the hospital thought I was a teen mom because Nate was gone, and I was embarrassed. Ugh! Worst few hours of my life! I starting crying a little when they pricked Emma's feet for the PKU test (which of coarse made her scream bloody murder) as I watched helplessly from the bed.

Finally, my family came, at which point I broke down and bawled. But after a few minutes of being comforted by my family, everything got a lot better. They showered us both with love, and that love stayed the whole week! I don't know what I would've done without them. My mom stayed at our place the first few nights to help us with Emma, which was a lifesaver for Nate and I. By the end of the week we had finally caught up on sleep thanks to her help, and I had made it through the worst part of recovery without falling apart :) I had the baby blues pretty bad, so having them there was a huge help! My mom showed me the ropes of being a mom, and by the time she left I felt confident that I could take care of Emma myself. I so needed that advice and that confidence! I love my family so much, and seeing them fall in love with my baby girl was such a blessing! She really brought us all together and reminded us that family is what is most important :) I feel closer to my family than I ever have before because of that experience. I also appreciate my parents SOOOO much more now that I understand better the sacrifices they made for me. I am grateful the Lord made us wait for Emma to come, because otherwise my family would not have been able to be there right after she was born. Our prayers really were answered: Emma was born at the exact right time :)

We did a lot of fun things together that first week. We took Emma to her first restaurant, Perry Street Pizza, which was delicious! We also visited with my mom's dad who came into town to meet Emma, and her cousin who lives here in town. Lastly, we travelled across two state lines to Thompson Falls, MT, where we stayed at my cousin's cabin :) Emma pretty much slept through it all, but I think that means she enjoyed it :)

Aunt Kylie with Emma :)

The family gathered around Emma :)

Aunt Kortney with Emma :)

Me and Emma at Thompson Falls

Grandma with Emma :)

Nate attempting the Simba pose :)

The Fam at Thompson Falls

In the following couple of weeks, we were also blessed to spend a lot of time with Nate's family, which helped us all grow closer together.

Family trip to Coeur d'Alene

Emma's first carriage ride :)

Grandpa Great with Emma :)

Grandma and Grandpa sleeping with Emma :)

Grandma Great with Emma :)

 Our New Normal:

Just when I think Nate and I have gotten into the swing of things, Emma changes things up on us. It's fun and challenging trying to keep up with her every need. Emma sleeps pretty well through the night, only waking up once or twice to eat, so neither of us are too sleep deprived (yet somehow I still feel exhausted). Nate is doing well in dental school, though I know there are days he would rather stay home with Emma and I. My days consist of taking care of Emma (which usually means taking a couple of naps with her during the day), running errands, and making meals. We were blessed to be served by our ward members, who brought us meals for a whole week! I used to think I would feel guilty being so spoiled, until I realized how the thought of making dinner some days almost made me want to cry. I was so touched that they were willing to go out of their way to help us out during a hard time in our lives, and the meals were delicious! :) Now we're back to eating my mediocre meals, but we are getting by.

We've learned a lot these past couple of weeks. We have learned that getting to places on time with a baby takes a lot of hard work and preparation. We are both learning a lot of patience as well :) Emma started off mostly sleeping all the time, but as she gradually gets more awake during the day she is becoming more and more fussy. We are having to learn what she wants and how to calm her down. Overall, though, she has been pretty even tempered and fun to have around :)

Nate burping Emma :)

First day of Church :)

Emma loves her baths :)

Being a mom is interesting, and once you get past the loneliness (Emma doesn't exactly know how to have a conversation yet), it's a lot of fun :) I have learned to plan my schedule around Emma's need to eat and sleep. I've pretty much accepted that I might not ever fit into my old jeans (really, how could I have ever been that small?), and most days I remember to brush my teeth even if I'm not going anywhere. I think I might have a permanent hunchback from breastfeeding (no really, it's a lot harder than I expected), but Emma is so worth it. I can't wait to see her first smile! Everyday I learn more about Emma, and everyday I grow to love her more. I expected to feel a gush of overwhelming love the first time I saw her, but instead it has been more like lighting a fire the old fashioned way. You start with a little bit of kindling, which doesn't give off much warmth, but the fire gets bigger and bigger, and warmer, the more wood you add. My "fire" is steadily growing each day as I spend time with her, learn her personality, and make sacrifices for her. I think she is starting to learn who I am, and her bond towards me is growing, too :) Ever since she was born I have felt a strange kind of joy that I have never felt before. There is something special about starting your own family, and I am so glad we did! Emma is my little princess, my little buddy, and my companera :) For her I am so grateful!

The other day I was reading in Mosiah 24, and I came across some verses that really struck me. It reads, "I will...ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that...you cannot feel them upon your backs...and this will I do that ye may...know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions." This is exactly how I feel the Lord has treated us through this whole process, from having a seemingly easy pregnancy to having a wonderfully easy baby. It has been as if our burdens have been made light so that we don't feel too much pain from them. The Lord made the impossible (having a baby the day before the start of dental school) possible, and even enjoyable for us. I know Emma was supposed to come to earth at this time, and the Lord is blessing us for being obedient and making it happen. Now we are a happy family of three! Welcome baby Emma Marie to our world! And thanks be to God for making it all possible! :)

Our family of three :)

 

- Kamie